Your Transformational Coach with Dr. Leanne Goff

A Journey Through Bipolar with Kim Barnhart (Part 1)

• Leanne Goff

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I'm thrilled to introduce you to my friend, Kim Barnhart. 

In today's episode - part one of two! - Kim lays bare the web of deception that mental illness can weave in one's mind, body, and soul.  

She will eventually share how her faith became the cornerstone of her healing, providing the strength to reclaim her identity as a Daughter of the King.

Be sure to listen to part two when it's released to learn about the full extent of Kim's healing! 

You can contact Kim here: freedomforthenations@gmail.com

You can purchase her book here: https://rb.gy/ktx880 

You can explore her health journey here: https://www.get-healthier.net/barnhart 

Thanks for joining us today!

You can learn more about Leanne Goff Ministries by visiting our website: https://leannegoffministries.org/

Leanne’s latest book is available for purchase on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Missionary-Millionaire-Transforming-Cultures-Priests/dp/195536213

You can also find her book on Audible: https://www.audible.com/pd/Missionary-Millionaire-Audiobook/B0C9VYD6V6

Follow Leanne on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrLeanneGoff

Follow Leanne on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leannegoffministries/

You can also sign up HERE for Transformation Nation and receive your free copy of A Journey To Your Identity.

Speaker 1:

Get ready to be transformed Transformed in your spirit, soul, body, finances, in all areas of your life. As a catalyst, Leigh-Anne is passionate about helping you step into your potential and fulfill your deep-seated dreams. If you desire your optimal kingdom upgrade, then this podcast is for you. So grab a notebook and welcome to the Transformational Coach with your host, Leigh-Anne Goff.

Speaker 2:

Hey friend, leigh-anne Goff here, the Transmation Coach, your Transmation Coach, and I am so excited that you joined us today. I have an amazing, amazing special guest and I have been really waiting for this podcast chomping at the bits, if I could say to have her on my podcast and I think you're going to be incredibly blessed. We're actually going to do this in a two-part session and we're going to do her life before she got set free and then what's happened? How she got set free and what's happened so she got set free. So I want to take today and I want to welcome Kim Barnhart. She's my special guest today. Hey, kim, great to have you with us.

Speaker 3:

Hey, thank you so much for this opportunity. This is a blessing, thank you.

Speaker 2:

Well, I know our listeners and our viewers are going to be massively blessed and I know that so many of them are going to want to pass this on to family and friends, especially pastors and ministers that have people that have been lied to on this condition for so many years. They're going to want to share this and share this and share this. So, friend, make sure you stay connected, you listen and then share this with a friend or family member because they can need it. So you know, my husband and I, ray, we met Kim and her husband Scott, just this last December, I mean, like at the end of December. We connected. We were actually in Nashville visiting our kids and we knew that they lived close and so we said, hey, you guys want to get together for breakfast. So we got to breakfast and they showed up and we got to talking and we said tell us a little bit about your lives, their ministers. They've been in ministry for many years. They have a ministry going in Uganda with a lot of ministry going on there, and so they were just sharing their lives, their family.

Speaker 2:

And then Kim threw out something to me that I'm like huh, and she began to tell me that she had been set free from bipolar. In fact, last year she had written a book called the Bipolar Lie. And listen, can I just tell you, friend, that I have a lot of people give me books. I have people that write me will you endorse my book? And I mean, I can be in an event and people will come up and give me two or three of their books, and it happens constantly, constantly, and I, sad to say, I don't have time to read all of everybody's books. I just don't. You know, I appreciate them, but I don't have that time.

Speaker 2:

But when Kim told me about her book, the Bipolar Lie, I'm like I want your book, she telling me her story, and I want you on my podcast, because can I just tell you, I've never heard of a book. We have the books on the Holy Spirit and on marriage, on the Fifold Ministry and so many books on different things like that. But you know what? We don't have books like this on the Bipolar Lie, like what. Like I've never seen a book like this before.

Speaker 2:

So she sent it to me and I sat down and I started consuming it. I have read the entire thing and I have been blown away by it, her story and how she got set free, and just her journey. So I wanted to introduce her book. It is on Amazon and we'll talk about that here towards the end, but I wanted to introduce a book because this caught my attention and I'm just blown away. So, kim, thank you again for joining us. And where I want to start, kim, is if you will just take and we're going to do this in two parts but the first part I want to do is give us some background of what brought you to believing the lie that you had bipolar, or give us some history there.

Speaker 3:

Okay, first off, believing that I had bipolar was because a doctor said that's what I had, but at the time I thought that it was just a medical condition, so I believed it. But what drove me to go to the doctor is everything that was taking place over the course of many, many years of my life, which included severe depression. It included highs, it included lows. It included this roller coaster ride of emotions and not even knowing why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and anger and just rage and just so bad where I wouldn't take showers, I wouldn't brush my teeth, and that's not something that you really want to share with people.

Speaker 3:

I was that nasty, but I was because the depression was so intense and it was so heavy that I didn't have the energy to get up and even fend for myself, much less for my husband or my children, and so I kept. I was going to God multiple times like what is wrong with me? Why am I in this headspace? Why am I angry when I have nothing to be angry about? Why am I miserable feeling when I have a good husband I've got?

Speaker 3:

good kids I've been prayed for years for kids, and God created all these miracles and was providing. I was blessed.

Speaker 3:

There was absolutely no reason for my environment to say to me that I should be in the mental state that I was in. And so I'm constantly going to God. You know what is wrong with me. And because I didn't really know at the time that I could hear God speak back to me, I decided to go and look online and be like typing in on Google don't Google your medical problems or what's your things going on in your body, because you're going to die tomorrow if you do that.

Speaker 3:

I go in and I'm searching this stuff and I'm like what is wrong? And then I saw a few things pop up. But the few things that I saw pop up, I'll all said well, you've got to go see a psychiatrist or a psychologist to discuss these things, to find out, to get the diagnosis. And so that's what I eventually did, because I was so miserable and I didn't know how to fix it. I didn't know where to go to even feel better. So I go to a doctor, and then that's when they ask me a battery of questions, a series of questions on this piece of paper to fill out, and when I started talking about how it was up and down, up and down, that's when it really gave them the clear indicator that I was bipolar, and so they had ADHD, severe depression, panic attacks, anxiety attacks all of that came with that diagnosis at the same time, and then, therefore, medication started, and then that brought me to even a worse place, because the medication put me in a place where I felt like I was a zombie.

Speaker 3:

I remember very specifically sitting in the chair, not having any life to me and watching my children just play in front of me. Now, mind you, I prayed for 10 years to have kids, so when I finally got kids, like that was my everything. And so for me to sit in a chair, lifeless, and have no energy, no focus, no ambition, no motivation, because of the mental illness, because of everything that was surrounding that and the medication, I'm sitting there, lifeless and watching my kids go on with life around me, and I can't even participate, and so it made me even worse. And unfortunately, there's a group of people that are struggling with mental illness that say, well, I have my concoction of medication that helps me feel better, but it's a bandaid, it's an absolute bandaid, and I refuse. When I have a God who heals, I refuse to settle for a bandaid. And that was my. That really wasn't my mindset at the moment, because I was still like I was under the influence of these medicines too.

Speaker 1:

And I really didn't know.

Speaker 3:

But watching life go on beyond before me was just even more heartbreaking, thank you. Not to mention the weight gain that comes with these type of medications, because it just makes you eat more. And then, therefore, you're depressed even more because you know, you know, buddy wants to really gain weight unless you're, like, really skinny, but so it just put me in an even darker deep hole. And so all of that, all of that time, I thought, I even thought. At one point, when I got the diagnosis, I thought, oh, I've got my answer. Now I'm going to start feeling better. But, on the contrary, I started feeling worse because I accepted this negative truth or this negative word over myself, rather than going to God and saying you know, what are you saying about this and how do I get out of this? But I accepted that truth for a little bit. So, therefore, I ended up starting getting to get worse in my symptoms, in my emotions, in my mental state, ever in all of the above. And then the medication didn't help either.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, kim, a lot of people know that, know my story. June 22, 2010,. My adrenal glands crashed, almost died. They flatlined and it took the doctors, numerous doctors. It took the doctors a month to diagnose me. Okay, I didn't know what happened. I was saying kind of thing was just different.

Speaker 2:

I sit in my living room, look out the window and think is this what happens when someone's going to die? I had no life in me, like somebody just popped a balloon and all the air is gone. And so, before I go, they shoot me and they put me in the hospital. Finally, after about three, three and a half weeks, shoot me up a cortisol. Then they take blood from me for six hours every six hours, for you know, six times and I go back to the doctor about four days later to get the results and by this time I know it's my adrenal glands. They're going to give me something, they're going to fix me. I'm going to be all well and I go in. And you know I'm not trying to throw the medical community under the bus at all, that's not the point. I'm so thankful we get an accident, I have a heart attack or something like that, and we got healthcare providers there that say our lives Okay. But I go in and he was a really sweet doctor. But he says, yep, I think you have adrenal fatigue by the test results and your adrenal glands crash. And so what I want to do is I want to give you an anti-depressant, lexapro, and he hands me a prescription and I just start crying because I'm like this guy's not going to fix me. He's not going to fix me, I'm not going to leave here. All better, my husband was with me, you know he's trying to console me. And then he says and I want to send you to the we were living in Alabama to the top endocrinologist In Birmingham. He's so many retired so it may take a while to get you into the ham, but I'll see what my nurse can do. And then I want to send you to a psychiatrist. And I'm like I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. What are you talking about? You know? And when we left the hospital, the doctor's office, that day, I told my husband you take me home. I got a. I got a call up in my father God's lap because I need to talk to him. You know, I need him right now. That's what I need right now, thankfully, a nutritionist helped me and I was like I'm not crazy.

Speaker 2:

And do you know the people I've talked to since then that are an anti depressive that have adrenal crashes? Anti anti depressants? They've had to quit their jobs, they've had to move in with family because they can't function and so it's. And I've been told that there's no coding for that. So that's why they want to give you anti depressants. So the whole thing is, I feel your pain. You know, back then, thankfully, god healed me. You know it was 2010. And so I've come a long way since then.

Speaker 2:

But there's so many that are out there, kim, and that's that's that lie. I mean, I could have lived in a lie like I have adrenal fatigue. I have adrenal fatigue. I have adrenal fatigue and thankfully, god and a man named Jim Hanks, staffer, my nutritionist in Chattanooga, saved my life. Yeah, saved my life. So I understand. I understand your freedom. Now, kim, take us back. You know, because it's the bipolar lie. And really, it's because of where that label came in. It's because of lies you believe all before, in the preceding years, that compounded themselves, that brought you to that place, that you had bipolar. So what are some of the lies? You because I know you had a really challenging upbringing and childhood and stuff like that. You don't have to go into all the details. It's in the book. You know you, you share about in the book and people can get your book. But what are some of those lies? Because there's people out there today that they are believing lies and what are some of those lies that come with the bipolar lie?

Speaker 3:

That you're unworthy, that you're unloved, that you're not good enough, that you'll never amount to anything, that everything you do there's something wrong, that you're flawed, that you're defective. I mean, those are the things that I believed for so long, and a lot of it stems from things that were being said to me in my home growing up, but by people that were innocent, I mean, and I honor my mom and my dad, I honor them, I respect them, I honor them. They're gone with the Lord now, but I honor them because I have forgiven and I've let all that go. But I also understand that they didn't know, they didn't legitimately understand the words that they were speaking over me and then where the enemy would take those things. We hear all too often that the way that you think as an adult has a lot to do with the things that were spoken to you or over you as a child, and so that's a lot of what mine stemmed from and then just growing in that where, even beyond hearing anything at home, the enemy was constantly pounding me and pounding me and pounding me to where my husband didn't love me, my children didn't love me, I wasn't a good Christian, I wasn't a good wife. I mean just all the things that could be negative.

Speaker 3:

I swear to you, I think I thought them or they were in my head and just having to retrain my brain because the Lord tells us to renew our mind and capture thoughts and all of those things, but before that it was just just believing all of that stuff and anybody that's believing that stuff falls into depression. If you don't capture these things, then you will respond somehow some way. It'll first come in as a thought. The second step is it happens, you will feel it in your emotions. If you don't do anything with it, at first as a first thought and then, after you've thought it, felt it, then you're going to respond to it. It goes with food.

Speaker 3:

It goes with any sorts of addictions, it goes with anything that you believe, and you don't capture it. And that's what I was doing is I was not capturing it, I was just believing the fact that I sucked. I believed the fact that I was completely flawed. I would compare myself all the time to anybody that I came into contact with. That's exhausting, that was exhausting. And so then you're depressed because you're tired. I mean, it was just so many things.

Speaker 3:

And then, not only that, you've got anger from out of nowhere. I had such fits of rage that my mom would actually walk in the room and she'd see me digging in my face. As I would claw down my face because I had so much anger, I would rip anything that I could rip. And we know that anxiety and anger are very, very close together. You really won't find one without the other. And anxiety is from fear, and so anger really exhibits itself because of fear or because of the anxiety. And so that's what I lived with for so, so many, many years. And so, not really knowing, I just actually thought that's just who I was. I thought you.

Speaker 3:

Well, a lot of what was said to me was you're just like your dad, you're just like your dad. You're just like your dad. And because my dad was like that, I believed it. I thought it was a character flaw. Well, my dad has XYZ, or my dad is responding like this, well then, and he's jacked up. So I must be jacked up. You know, I really believed it was a character flaw. I thought I was so incredibly flawed. And it takes your confidence away. It takes away who God has really created you to be, and so you live in this place of just being a benefit to the kingdom of darkness rather than the kingdom of God, because you're believing everything the kingdom of darkness is presenting to you.

Speaker 3:

And that's exactly what I was doing, and it's just a miracle from God that I didn't become a drug addict but I was a food addict and I was a shopping addict, and so there are still different addictions, you know, and all of those things, because I was trying to fix a hole in a void that only God can fix, and I was trying to fix it through other means, but until I got the revelation of it, you know, that's just that's where I was living and what I was living with.

Speaker 2:

Well, so before we conclude, part one here we talked about this before we started went on air and in your book and I've read the scripture. I mean I've been following God, I've been a believer for like many, many, many years, since 1977, september 76,. I got saved, raised in the Baptist Church, saved in 76. So I've seen the scripture, I've heard it.

Speaker 2:

But when I was reading in your book, towards the end, john 844, and you said the father of lies that you know and generally we emphasize lies, the lies that he, the lies, the lies, the lies that he gives, but father popped out to me.

Speaker 2:

I mean that word father popped out to me and you know I was like oh my gosh, how many people out there are serving the wrong father. They're following the wrong father and Satan always counterfeits himself of what God has, whether it's power or whether it's father, and that you know, we know God is our father, abba, father, daddy, God, that's the way it is, and he's my dad. You know, I'm his little girl, and so it just hit me between the eyes that I'm like how many people out there are being fathered by the wrong father? In fact, I'm gonna be in Cuba here soon and next week this is one of the things I'm gonna preach on is how many people are being fathered by the wrong father. So just take a couple of minutes and just break that down real quick. What are your thoughts on that?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, well, because we, like you just said, he's the father of lies. We have father God. They're both trying to father you. They just have two different agendas.

Speaker 2:

And we have the father of truth, which is God.

Speaker 3:

Yes, yes, and so the father of lies, like he's fathering you with a whole lot of lies and if you take the bait, you're destroyed.

Speaker 3:

He is out to steal, kill and destroy you, your faith, your joy, your walk with God, and so he's fathering you. If you're believing these lies, if you're believing anything that's contrary to the word of God, and you're believing that and then you're responding to it, he's fathering you. And I say stop letting Satan, the father of lies, father you, because you don't have to live that way. You can now be fathered by our father in heaven, who has nothing but good thoughts about you, nothing but good things for you, that loves you unconditionally, recklessly, crazily loves you, and it is your biggest fan and supports you. It would never say anything contrary to his word to you, and it's just that finding out what is truth and what isn't in order to be able to think properly and to respond properly.

Speaker 2:

I love that. I love that. Okay, we're gonna this is part one and we're gonna come back in part two and I want you to share how you got set free. We've talked about those things that led up to you having the bipolar lie. Okay, but how did you get set free from the bipolar lie? But, kim, how can people, where can they, get your book from the bipolar lie?

Speaker 3:

It's anywhere books are sold online Amazon Books of Million lulucom. Anywhere books are sold online, they can get it from there. Okay, perfect.

Speaker 2:

And then if somebody's like Kim, we want you to come speak at our church, we wanna speak at our women's events, want you to speak. How do they get in touch with Kim Barnhart?

Speaker 3:

My email is freedomforthenations at gmailcom, so they can reach on that.

Speaker 2:

All right. Freedomforthenations at gmailcom. So, okay, kim, sit tight, we're gonna come back with part two. And, friend, if you are like getting impacted by this, please, please. And you're like, wow, wow, wow, I think of this person. This person, this person needs to hear this podcast. Please share it with them. Also, go and review it, please, for me and anywhere that we have my podcast, which is a lot of places. So, anyway, we will see you for part two here and just a minute. Thank you for joining us, be safe out there and we'll talk to you soon.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Transformational Coach with Leanne Goff. You can find out more about Leanne and her resources on her website, leannegoffministriesorg, as well as her Instagram at leannegoffministries. If you've enjoyed this podcast, share it with your friends and don't forget to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe wherever you listen. With that, I'll see you soon.

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